I set up this blog because I believe in words, so it seems only fitting to actually begin to fill it with my own. I've debated and torn myself down over many a potential post...only to decide it doesn't "make the cut" - whatever "the cut" may be?! But having lived a life consumed by numbers, I think it's time to start to let myself speak. I have a voice and I will not let illness silence me any longer. These are my words. They are enough. I am enough.

In 3 weeks, I'll be graduating with a degree in English Literature from the University of Exeter. I've had a ball - the highs and the lows. I've worked myself to the ground, because I know no other way. And all in all, I love academia and hope to return in September 2017 to do my MA. However, for the time being, I need to let life happen. I need to stop hiding in education - it's been amazing and I've met many inspirational people, but it's come at the cost of my health, and "living" for far too long now.

This isn't necessarily the "typical gap year". I'm not spending the year travelling. I'm not working abroad, gosh, I'm not even working! Cue, "Hello, my name is Yasmin, I'm a total failure and wasting my potential and should really be doing something with my life". If one more person asks me "so, what next?", I'm going to say, loud and clear: "if I don't STOP and learn to BREATHE, I'm not going to be ALIVE to have "a next". My "gap year" goal is very simple (well, in words at least): Get Better. On paper, it's the broadest, most attainable, most "fakeable" target I have ever set myself. Trouble is, that's kind of terrifying (the fakeable especially, I'm scarily good at making you think I'm fine. I'll do it for your sake, I don't want to hurt you or involve you in the struggles of living like I do; and it goes against all my morals: nothing is more important than truth, and nothing is better than genuine). I like a challenge. I'm not one for taking shortcuts and I'm in a complicated relationship with my own ability to self-destruct...and to do so silently. In reality, mission "Get Better", is going to be the toughest "study", fight and most uncertain/incomplete aim of my life. It will also be the most necessary. Education, jobs, travelling can, and will, wait; health does not wait. Time is not a given.

I hope to go into publishing/editorial work - either for children or fashion (keeping those options open!). And hope that over the coming year, this blog will span far and wide - Alice didn't have a map, she had tea and chance and wonderfully unique people, and she wasnt confined by time, or numbers: "How long is forever? Sometimes just a second". I'm tired of living a narrow life controlled by numbers and dictated by percentages, measurements and scales. On the surface I live a life of words; I want to believe in my own words now. I want to be happy, caring, considerate and kind. I want to be well. A number is an empty shell; a word is a million pathways, a billion smiles and world of hope.